It's Not About The Followers, It's About Everything Else.

If you've been following me on any of my social media accounts, especially Instagram, you know I have less than 3,000 people who follow me. That's totally okay because I never set out to make record breaking numbers of "Followers" or "Friends." I set out to make a difference. To share my life as a Mom of 4 whose faced abuse, divorce, my children being child abducted, one coming back and dealing with a teen with severe PTSD issues to re-marrying, having two more little girls one who has Autism and battles ADD and, we swear, has a six sense. My life goes story goes on to add a sweet Grandbaby to the mix. Our days are seldom filled with serene, quiet and peace. Instead, our days are filled with screaming children, Autism meltdowns, fighting siblings, a part time job, helping my parents get to/from work, taking care of three dogs and attempting to have a social schedule of playdates and Mom breaks. All of it while my husband is only home approximately 6 months out of the year, sometimes less than that, and my own trauma and mental health issues on top of it all. I, myself, battle ADD and extreme Anxiety which often is accompanied by depression episodes. You see, my goal has never been to gain Followers but to draw those who need to see and hear what I go through on a day to day basis. Why? Because up until the last maybe 10 years, give or take, I thought I had to do things alone. I thought I was the only person who battled such tragic times and dark moments. Truth is, I was never alone and I never needed to do it all on my own.

Through a bad divorce, going through some of the darkest moments of my entire life thus far, God always put people in my life that I needed most. He gave me friends that have stood by me through thick and thin. New and old. He gave me parents who, even when they didn't agree with my choices, never left me alone. He gave me a family. Some blood, some chosen, but nonetheless, a tribe, a village, people to do life with, to go through the up's and down's with.

I'm here to tell you, you are not alone. You never need to battle things alone. But more importantly, you never need to do Motherhood alone. That's why I share so much of my life. I share and talk about things like my daughters Autistic meltdowns and triggers because, like myself at one point, you maybe be feeling at your wit ends with your child's tantrums and not being able to understand why your child is being "so difficult." You may not be aware that their tantrums and outburst may be something way more out of their hands (and yours) and that it may take a medical professional to help you figure out what is normal age behavior and what is something more than normal. This is something I wish I knew more about. I wish I had known that my 10 year olds behavior wasn't due to her being a "brat" but being unable to control her emotions, cope with life. She had so much running through her head, she was unable to focus and concentrate on her own. And while she was never a hyper child, it became clear after talking to a therapist and a therapist working with our daughter and her PCP running test that we finally got answers to her uncontrollable behavior. She was diagnosed with Autism, which she was given a prescription to help her be able to control her emotions. Instantly, things got better. Since then, there's been medication changes and she's gone from seeing a therapist to a Psychiatrist who then, later down the road, diagnosed her with ADD. She has come so far and we have made MAJOR successful changes with our daughter. She's a much easier child, a much happier child but my point is this, for years, I did nothing but screamed at her, said things I never meant out of anger and frustration at her behavior, I was a Mom I never wanted to be but she was so hard and everyone called it "anger issues" but anger wasn't the issue, it was something in the way her brain has been wired and how she copes, handles changes and different life challenges. It's something I want to bring awareness to others about. A part of our story I want to share. I want to help others understand that you don't have to be an angry Mom, there's help. Even if Autism isn't the issue, there is still help.

I spent 10 years in an abusive marriage. I married my high school sweetheart and he became manipulative, conniving, mentally, emotionally, verbally and psychologically abuse, even physically at a couple moments. We got a divorce and shortly after I moved to Texas where my parents were living. Months after moving here, after I trusted my ex with my kids for the Summer and per mediation agreements, I went back to get my kids and, well, it's a long story but ultimately it lead to them being abducted by their Dad and their step Mom. It would be 5 years before I finally was given my oldest back but my son would continue to be missing. My past with my ex, it's affected every relationship I have today including my marriage now. It's taken a lot of work to get me to a place where I feel safe. Yet, I still battle extreme OCD, anxiety and times of depression. To be transparent, I am on anti-depressants as well as three different types of anxiety meds. These are things that affect my qualify of life yet I have a family, friends and a husband who understand and still support, encourage and help me through the moments when I don't feel strong enough to get out of bed much less leave my house. Again, there is help. You are not alone and you do not had to do it on your own. With or without insurance, there are therapist, PCP's and mental health professionals willing to help you help yourself and get you to a place where you can better help yourself.

I also want people to know, understand and bring awareness to what it's like being an oilfield wife, which is very similar to being a Military wife in literally every aspect. My husband is an Army Veteran, and while I was not with him during his serving days, I met him just has he had gotten out of the Military and into the oilfield. I've stood by his side while he battled PTSD from his deployments, being an alcoholic, and also struggling with anxiety and depression, times of unemployment, and so much more with him. Since the start of us in 2012, I have watched this extraordinary human being help himself during one of the darkest times in our lifetime, a Covid Pandemic. I watched him wake up one day and decide to never drink again. Almost 3 years later, he has been completely sober, and while he still battles depression, he has found his source of calmness and center working out, building a fitness influencing blog, and helping others battle with their PTSD, weight issues, alcoholism, and depression. We have been through hard times. Times where we both wanted to throw in the towel. Where we were hanging by a thread and divorce was constantly the center of our conversations. We even separated for a very short time, yet here we are having just celebrated 6 years of marriage and about to celebrate 11 years together. We have faced triumph and trials, success and failures. And we always come out still holding hands and still choosing either everyday. Neither of us is forcing each other to stay together, we choose to do that even when it's hard as hell, I choose him and he chooses me. We thrive by choosing each other over anything and everything else. I'm not going to tell anyone our marriage is now perfect, because it's not, but we have grown individually and together and we have become better and stronger people who have learned (and are still learning) to communicate, honesty and openness. We still have battles we face but regardless of what is happening in our lives today, I know tomorrow we will wake up and continue to choose each other. Marriage is hard. And you truly cannot have the same kind of village surrounding you that you can with Motherhood. But you can choose to surround yourself with people whose marriages have been thus far successful, people who encourage you to keep fighting and support you through your trials. You can surround yourself with people who are rooting for your spouse and you, who want to see your marriage be fulfilling and who can help nurture your growth together through prayer and examples of their own stories of trials and errors. You want a stronger marriage, surround yourself with people whose marriages are strong.

This goes for everything. You want to be a better Mom, make sure your tribe is full of people who are the type of Mom you want to be, who will uplift you, encourage you, support you, love you and, most importantly, pray for you. If you want to be more financially secure, surround yourself with people who have built financial stability through hard work, smart decisions, and who can help you through examples how on your should be saving, investing, etc.,. You become who you surround yourself with, so be sure to surround yourself with people who make you a better person, who make you stronger, more courageous, who make you strive to be the person you want to become.

My point is, it's never been about Followers but about bringing people to my pages who need the support, encouragement, inspiration, and prayer. Who want to know they are never alone and that even in a world of online friends, you can still help people become the best versions of themselves while you continue to grow every single day into the best version of yourself. Social media allows you to draw the people who need to hear what you have to say, to your page. So if you are here, thank you. If you read my blogs, thank you. If you comment, like, share, interact with my post, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I hope that I have, in one way or another, made you feel seen, heard, valued, respected, inspired, encouraged and supported. Know that there us never a day that goes by that I do not pray for those who are on my pages (and even those who are not). I pray the Lord leads me to the people I can help, I can serve. I pray that the Lord has a hand over all the households, families. I pray for our children. And if there is ever anything I can do to help you, my DM's are always open, my emails are checked daily and my comments are read and responded to. Day or night, I want my page to be a page you can go to to feel like you are not alone.

XOXO,

C.